The Ultimate (and Hilarious) Journey to Less Stuff: Decluttering as a New Year’s Resolution

Ah, New Year's resolutions. A time when we tell ourselves that this year—yes, this year—will be different. We’ll drink more water, run a marathon, master the art of mindful meditation, and, of course, declutter our entire lives by the end of January.

If you’ve ever vowed to declutter as a New Year’s resolution, you know how it usually goes: You start with enthusiasm, trash bags at the ready, dreaming of a minimalist home worthy of a Pinterest board. But by week two, you’re sitting in a pile of old sweaters and mystery cords, wondering why you ever thought this was a good idea. Let’s take a light-hearted journey through the stages of decluttering as a New Year’s resolution—because we’ve all been there.

1. The Initial Excitement: “I’m Basically Marie Kondo Now”

You wake up on January 1st, energized by the idea that this is the year you’ll get rid of all the clutter. All of it. You put on your favorite playlist, grab a few boxes, and dive in headfirst. You imagine your home as a sleek, minimalist paradise—one where you no longer trip over shoes, hunt for your keys, or scream in frustration while trying to find your matching sock.

You proudly tell your family that you’re about to “spark joy” all over this place. They roll their eyes, but it doesn’t matter—you’re on a mission.

2. The Optimistic Purge: “Goodbye, Clutter!”

You start confidently, tossing items into donation boxes like you’re on an HGTV show. That coat you haven’t worn since 2007? Gone. The stack of old magazines you’ve been saving “just in case”? Into the recycle bin. You’re flying through the house like a decluttering tornado, getting rid of anything that doesn’t “spark joy.”

For a moment, you’re convinced you could live in one of those impossibly tidy homes with only a single houseplant and a well-placed candle. Who needs all this stuff anyway?

3. The Emotional Roadblocks: “But I Might Need This Someday…”

Then you hit your first real roadblock. You pick up a random kitchen gadget—let’s say a bread maker that you haven’t used in five years—and you hesitate. Sure, you haven’t baked bread since that one Pinterest fail in 2018, but what if you want to start again? Wouldn’t it be wasteful to get rid of it?

Suddenly, you’re clutching a collection of novelty mugs, half-used candles, and a questionable amount of crafting supplies, convincing yourself that they’re all essential to your happiness and future endeavors.

4. The “Stuff Shuffle” Stage: Moving Clutter from One Place to Another

By this point, you’ve probably decluttered about 10% of your home. But now, you’re starting to run out of steam. Instead of actually getting rid of things, you begin what experts call “The Stuff Shuffle.” This is when you take items from one area of the house and move them to another, without actually solving the problem.

The storage closet is now a graveyard of things you weren’t ready to part with. Your junk drawer has expanded into a “junk cabinet.” But it’s fine, because you’re still technically decluttering, right?

5. The Unwanted Trip Down Memory Lane

Next comes the danger zone: the sentimental stuff. You innocently open a box labeled “random” and suddenly find yourself in a black hole of nostalgia. Old yearbooks, love letters from your high school crush, the ticket stubs from that one concert you went to in 2002. You start reading through everything, and before you know it, two hours have passed, and you haven’t thrown away a single thing.

“Why do I still have this?” you ask yourself, as you gingerly place it all back in the box, completely unable to part with your cherished memories.

6. Bargaining with Yourself: “Does This Count as Decluttering?”

At this point, you’ve decluttered some stuff but definitely not as much as you’d planned. So, you start bargaining with yourself. Maybe if you buy a new storage bin, you won’t actually need to get rid of those holiday decorations you haven’t used in three years. Or perhaps you can just “reorganize” the clutter, and that will magically solve the problem.

You tell yourself that decluttering doesn’t have to mean getting rid of things—it can just mean “making them look nicer in a basket.” Problem solved, right?

7. The Guilt Stage: “What Have I Done?”

At some point, you might experience the “guilt stage.” You’ve successfully filled a few trash bags and donation boxes, but now you’re second-guessing your decisions. Did I really need to throw away that broken lamp? What if I miss those old CDs even though I haven’t used a CD player in a decade?

The post-declutter guilt creeps in, and suddenly you’re tempted to dig through the donation box to reclaim your old stuff. Don’t do it! Stay strong—you won’t even remember what’s in there by next week.

8. The Final Push: “Just Throw It All Away!”

As the month of January winds down, you’re ready for this decluttering project to end. You’ve hit the point where you’re so sick of looking at piles of stuff that you’re ready to throw it all away—no questions asked. Minimalism is looking more and more appealing with each passing day, and you daydream about living in a space that’s entirely free of clutter.

You gather your last bits of energy and finish the job, promising yourself you’ll never let your home get this cluttered again. Spoiler alert: It probably will. But for now, you’re basking in the glory of a semi-organized home.

9. The Aftermath: “I Did It… Kind Of”

You’ve made it to the other side. Your home isn’t exactly a minimalist paradise, but you’ve made real progress. You can see the floor again, your closets are no longer a danger zone, and you’ve got a carload of items ready for donation. Sure, you didn’t get rid of everything, but you’ve created some breathing room—and that’s worth celebrating.

10. The New Resolution: “Next Year, I’ll Declutter Before the Clutter Takes Over”

At the end of this whole process, you’ve learned something important: Decluttering is a journey, not a destination. And while it may have taken longer than you expected, you’ve made real progress. So next year, when January 1st rolls around, you’ll be ready to tackle the clutter again. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself before you sit down with a glass of wine and decide that next year’s resolution will be something less exhausting—like watching more Netflix.

Happy decluttering, and good luck! May your New Year’s resolution bring you closer to a clutter-free life—or at least a less cluttered one!